Vroom!

Vroom! A young man in his twenties zoomed past the taxi and undertook him before repeating the same daring feat between a motorbike and a pick up truck.

"Young idiots" I commented to the taxi driver. This was my attempt to spark an interesting coversation. "I can't believe these young guys spend so much money on a car and drive so recklessly," I said, and this was the taxi driver's perfect opportunity to boast about his financial expertise.

"Not like us," he slowly commented/chanted/sinisterly cackled even. "We know that you've gotta save your money and buy a house first," which I nodded and also verbally shown my agreement, but the pandora's box had been opened and I was now in full scale interaction with this particular taxi driver and I had no escape.

"We need a five year plan. I've always insisted on having a five and ten year financial plan," he beamed back in his rear view mirror.

Now I was sure I only just read that in the newspaper that very morning, but this taxi driver sure had a lot to say and he surely assumed that only he had read the newspaper that day. I listened uncomfortably anyway.

"I TELL you ah. You can't speculate liquid assets on liabilities in this uncertain economical climate. Must save mannie for children's education," he advised. "I've always believed in this," he reinstated with zeal and pride. All of which I could have sworn was repeated word for word out of the day's newspaper.

After the usual 'go straight, turn left, stop here please. HERE! NOW STOP! NOW! HERE!' routine at my place, I exited the taxi an enlightened man with a sinister looking taxi driver, still smiling at me, with his head almost popping through the glass window. Tomorrow would be his day to advise people on how to plan a perfect marriage and arrange a foreign maid to look after your kids.

So now you know where you can go for some good financial planning advice. Make sure you take the taxi on the right day, probe the driver towards the subject and most of all beware any sinister cackles.

Back Seat Shriek

So I got into this taxi one night and had a peaceful journey the whole way home.

Just when I was getting my wallet out to pay maanie, there came a sudden twist in the tale.

From out of nowhere. A pair of black knickers materialised right next to me. I picked them up and asked my girlfriend if they belonged to her or something and if they had fallen out of her bag.

"Put 'em down!" she shrieked.

"Why? Aren't they yours?" I asked.

"No! They were here all along. Lets go."

Suddenly, I then realised that the knickers were attached to a pair of tights/pantyhose on the back seat. I almost jumped through the roof James Bond ejector seat style.

My girlfriend had been trying to ignore their presence all along.

Then what came next was the best part. The taxi driver started to get really flustered and took it upon him to explain their magical appearance to me.

"Er oo er. The last lady ah. She er. Was errr drunk. Yeah drunk," he said.

"Uh huh."

"Yeah. Wah lau. These lady ah. She say she was hot and took off her panty. Ha ha ha ha! [insert deranged taxi driver evil laugh here] These drunk lady they do anything. Just leave them there. Heh heh heh hooo haa haa haa [cackle]."

I wished him goodnight and left him fumbling over the back seat for his treasure.